How many times did you say I am sorry? Can you remember it? How many times did you forgive someone who has hurt your heart? Can you account for them? I am not sure that you and I can account for these. But I am sure that at least we know that it is easier to say I am sorry than to really forgive someone who has hurt our heart.

There is a story about a man and his beloved son….. A man had a little son, an only and much-beloved child. But unhappily, the boy was a roguish child.  On many occasions he bothered his father by his naughtiness. Even so, his father never hated him. He gave his son his total love.

Once upon a time, exactly on his son’s twelfth birthday, the man decided to give the boy a special gift. He thought, maybe by giving the child a gift he could change his son’s bad attitude. He knew that his son was fond of horses. The boy had many pictures of horses in his room although they had no horse themselves. Therefore, the man bought a most beautiful wooden statue of a horse, as big as a real horse and gave it to him.

The boy never imagined that he would get a special gift as beautiful as that statue. He was very happy. He loved the wooden horse so much, that his father hoped the boy would begin to change his attitude.  And this happened!  More and more he became a good boy, studying harder, loving his father more than before and trying not to argue with him. The man thought his hope had been finally fulfilled.

But the change was temporary. It quickly faded a few days after the boy’s birthday. This greatly saddened his father. Seeing this, the man didn’t do anything but silently took a nail and nailed it on his son’s wooden horse. Whenever the boy hurt his heart the man did the same again. He took a nail and nailed it on the wooden horse. Some days later, the boy, seeing that his beloved wooden horse was almost full with nails on its body, and very surprised by this asked his father: “Why did you do this?  Why did you drive the nails into my beloved wooden horse?”

“My son, you didn’t want me to nail the nails on your wooden horse, but why did you nail my heart by the nails of your bad attitude?” said his father.

“Papa, I am so sorry. I have sinned against you. I promise I will not show my bad attitude again,” said the boy who was so sad after he heard what his father said. The father silently walked to the wooden horse and pulled out the nails from the body of the statue.

Unhappily, like before, his son’s change was temporary. He quickly forgot his promise and turned back again to his bad attitude a few days later. Although his father was so sad, he did nothing but again drive nails into the wooden horse. Whenever his son hurt his heart he drove one more nail into the statue. And then, when his son apologized to him, he pulled the nail out. This happened repeatedly.

One day, his son came to his father angrily and said,” Father, I already apologized to you as soon as I made a mistake. Didn’t I?

“Of course  yes, my son.”

“But why is my wooden horse still full with the scars of nails?”

“I can’t, my beloved son, I can’t. I can only pull the nail out of your wooden horse but I can’t take away the scar. And……., you know my son, it also happened to me? Your apologies can only pull the nails of your bad attitudes out of my heart but they can never take away the wound.”

Forgive or forget?

It is easier to say I am sorry than to forgive. We are lucky because we have these words, I am sorry. And we have to be honest to ourselves that these words are very helpful for us. They can deliver us from the guilt. But how about the people whose heart we hurt? Are we sure that I am sorry can take away the wound from their heart? I think not.  I am sorry can only pull the nail from their heart but it can’t take away the wound.

Sometimes people say that they already have forgiven and forgotten someone who had hurt their heart. I think they didn’t know what they are talking about. To forgive is possible but to forget is not so easy and maybe even impossible. To forgive means we willingly suffer the pain of someone’s guilt that hurt our heart, no matter how he/she regrets it or not. But to forget means we totally erase the memory of his/her guilt from our heart and mind. According to the story, we can say that to forgive means to pull the nails of others guilt from our hearts and to forget means to take away the wounds from our hearts. The first is possible but the other one is not so easy.

So, is the apology useless? Of course, we will say NO. I don’t mean that the apology is useless. Apology is a sign of humility. It is very human if we make a mistake but it is a sign of arrogance if we forget to apologize for it. Even so, we can’t hide behind our apology. We can’t use I am sorry just to deliver ourselves from a guilty conscience. I am sorry can’t be the reason to repeat the same mistake.

We have known that it is easier to say I am sorry than to forgive. Even so, we still have the ability to forgive someone who has hurt our heart. It is the use of our heart. We have heard people say these sentences: I don’t need your apologies, I will never forgive you, and so on. When we say these, we are telling everyone that we have a useless heart. Why do we have a heart if we never use it to love and to forgive each other?

God is merciful          

We have known how we, as humans, forgive one another. But do we know how God forgives us? We know that God is merciful. It means He easily forgives.  But how did He forgive us? Did He suffer the pain in his heart? He suffered the pain of our sins not only in his heart but also on his whole body.

We recognize the merciful God in his only and beloved son Jesus Christ. God forgave our sins by letting his Son suffer the pain of our sins. Jesus didn’t take away the wound of our sins but he lovingly moved it and put it on his own heart and on his own body. Remember how Jesus appeared himself to his disciples (John 20:19-23) and then especially to Thomas (John 20:24-29)! After saying “peace be with you”, he showed his hands, his feet and his side. And the disciples clearly saw the scares of nails, spears and whips. I imagine, he might comment like this: “You will never suffer the pain of your sins any more. These are yours (showing the scars). But I’ve already lovingly moved them and put them on to my own body and my own heart in order to suffer them for you. This is the way my father forgives your sins”.  I imagine, at the bottom of Jesus’ cross, near his feet, there is a notice like the INRI on the top of the cross.  And whenever we read that sentence we will always remember that GOD IS MERCIFUL.

Mans Wenge C.Ss.R